So drunk its hurt
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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