who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
