If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
