we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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