Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
