listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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