The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
