from now on my penis is your penis
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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