i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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