I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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