I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
