last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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