totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize