I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
