i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
