she woke up with a sticky ear
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
