Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
