I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
