The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
