Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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