she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
