I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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