I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
