Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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