I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
