Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
