You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
