May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize