i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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