Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
