Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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