I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
