fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
