This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
