Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize