But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
