i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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