One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
