you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
