You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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