She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
