Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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