Where did you get a picture of my penis
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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