It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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