There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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