dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
