Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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