No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize