he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
