Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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