1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
