Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
