so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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