I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
