No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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