thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
