I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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