my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize