if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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