arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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