Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize