With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
