I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
