She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
