I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
