You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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