Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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