I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
