We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
