This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize