I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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