Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
