Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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