as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
