Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize