Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
