I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize