please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
