When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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