I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
