He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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