Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
