the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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