mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
