we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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