is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
