You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
