please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
