I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
