After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
