You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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