Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
