do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
