hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize