ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
