so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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