I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
