Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
