I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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