ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
