Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
