I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
